


You Can't Return a Murder Weapon to Walmart

by Turntechgodliness (AmberzillaRex)



Series: The LSCS Chronicles [5]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5386826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberzillaRex/pseuds/Turntechgodliness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan asks Gavin and Jack for a little assistance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Return a Murder Weapon to Walmart

**Author's Note:**

> I was at work the other day and we have a knife display immediately in front of my cash....so of course I casually turned to my co-worker and asked if they thought someone might have used one of the knives as a murder weapon and then returned it to the store. And of course my mind immediately went to Ryan.

Five hours.

Jack was not impressed. It had been five hours of sitting in a car with Gavin, five hours of waiting for Ryan to finish whatever the fuck he was doing out in the middle of nowhere, five hours of listening to Gavin’s ‘Million Dollar’s but…’ questions. Ryan had told him it wouldn’t take long when he’d asked him to drive him out to one of their safe houses outside of the city limits, but he hadn’t exactly told Jack what he was going out to do, instead sidestepping the question by asking Gavin if he could come with them to help him with something. The hacker had gleefully left his computer desk, ruffling Michael’s hair before following the two men out of the apartment with a bounce in his step at having been invited along. 

That, though, was five hours ago. They’d driven half an hour outside the city, the radio on and idle chit-chat between them as the city grew smaller behind them with every mile, arriving at the small outpost of a gas station that was only partly a disguised hide out- Geoff had insisted that the station remain   
functional, providing them with some income from a more legal standing with all the tourists who drove through. Ryan had told them to stay in the car, and while Gavin had complained he had obeyed, crawling in between the front seats after Ryan had disappeared inside to fiddle with the radio before falling into his usual habit of asking inane questions. 

“Gavin, please. I really do not care about what would happen if the car turned into a transformer. I really, really don’t. God, how does Michael put up with you for hours on end?” Gavin pouted, falling back into his seat, and Jack felt a twinge of regret at his words. “It’s just been five hours, Gav...I’m a little tired of questions. Where the hell is Ryan?” Gavin shrugged, shifting to lay on his back on the seat before letting out a noise as he half slid off. 

“M’just bored, Jack. And I don’t know, maybe he died in there. Maybe we should go look to see!” He popped back up at the idea, beaming widely as he shifted towards the door. His escape was halted, however, when Ryan appeared in the doorway of the gas station, saying something to the cashier over his shoulder as he exited the building and made his way towards the car. Jack unlocked the door as he reached the vehicle, giving him an unimpressed look as he slid into the seat with a sheepish look. 

“Sorry. That took a little longer than I expected. But I’m done now, so we can head out. I need to go to the Walmart about three miles out from here…” Jack’s expression soured, and he turned the key in the ignition, throwing the car into reverse and backing out of his spot before talking. 

“You dragged me out to the middle of nowhere to sit at a gas station for five hours with no explanation and now you want me to drive you to Walmart? There’s a fucking Walmart in Los Santos Ryan. You didn’t need me to drive you out here. And why the hell did you drag Gavin out here? You told him you needed his help but all he’s done is sit out here with me.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair, and from behind them Gavin let out a surprised little noise. 

“Ryan, love, you’ve blood on your hand, did you know? What were you doing in there, were you killing someone? Without us? How rude.” Ryan pulled his hand from his hair with a frown, licking his thumb to rub the blood specks from his hand before turning to look at Gavin. 

“Well, I wasn’t not killing someone. Look, I had to kill an informant. Geoff wanted me to take Gavin with me to get him out of the penthouse for awhile; you haven’t left your desk in almost five days, Gavin. It was for your own good. And I wanted to spend some quality time with you, Jack. Clearly asking you to drive was the best solution.” Jack snorted, turning onto the highway and heading towards where the Walmart was as he turned some of his attention to the man in the passenger seat. 

“You just didn’t feel like doing a bunch of driving. Admit it.” Ryan smirked, and Jack let out a groan. “You’re buying me lunch. And Gavin. You’re buying us both a nice lunch from a sit down restaurant. You understand me?” Ryan nodded, and behind them Gavin hummed in agreement. 

“What do you need to go to Walmart for anyways, Ry?” Gavin’s voice was perky, despite the way he sagged some in his seat; almost as though he was trying to prevent himself from wilting by putting more effort into being bubbly, like it would keep him awake. Geoff had been right to get Ryan to take him with him- the assassin didn’t think he’d seen Gavin so much as take a nap in the five days he’d been working on a project for Joel. The Brit was beginning to look a little worse for wear, and Geoff had pointed out that if anyone would be able to pry the hacker away from his work, it would be Ryan. 

“Need to return something. Figured I’d see if you wanted to pick up anything while we’re there too, since you’ve pretty much taken up root in your computer chair. What the hell has Joel got you working on anyways? It can’t be that important.” Gavin frowned, moving to lean forward enough to rest his elbows on the middle console, chin in hand as he blinked slowly at the road through the windshield. 

“Nothing important. It’s just time sensitive, he wanted me to look up some information on some gold bars that are being transferred on Thursday. But, like I said, time sensitive so I couldn’t really sleep until I got the info. Which I did, thank you very much. Took bloody forever, but here we are now. Joel gave me a nice payout for the information too. So nyeh.” He stuck his tongue out, his taunt interrupted by a fierce yawn as Jack snorted, pulling into the Walmart parking lot. Ryan chuckled, shaking his head as the car rolled to a stop in a parking spot, shifting to stretch a little as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a wrinkled Walmart bag, handing it over to Gavin. 

“I need you to bring this in and return it. The receipts in the bag.” Gavin gave him a look, but took the bag, peeking inside at it’s contents before returning his gaze to Ryan, clearly confused. He shook the item out of the bag, holding up a knife that looked as though it were brand new, the price tag still on it and everything. 

“You want me to return a carver knife?” Ryan nodded, and Gavin shrugged, sliding his way across the car seat to exit the vehicle, heading towards the entrance with little more than a shrug. Jack watched him go a moment before turning to Ryan, a slight frown gracing his lips as he fixed him with a long stare. 

“What did you do to that knife, Ryan.” Ryan’s look of innocence was lost on Jack, and the bearded man turned off the vehicle, leaning against his door as he continued to stare at Ryan. After a moment, the other man shifted, almost guiltily as he moved to become more comfortable in his seat. 

“I didn’t do anything to it. I may have used it as a murder weapon but what knife hasn’t seen some blood in it’s lifetime? I figure, whats the easiest way to get rid of this murder weapon that’s also creative? Return it to the hell from which is came.” Jack’s expression remained unimpressed. 

“The hell it came.” 

“That’s right.” 

“The hell is came from was a Walmart almost an hour outside the city.” 

“Yup. Figured it’d make the most sense. Paid for it in cash, wore a disguise, and I’m having someone else return it. It’s been completely cleaned, I doubt the retail worker who processes the return will even notice it’s been used. Maybe they’ll put it back out on the shelf. Maybe some family will buy it!” Jack snorted, shaking his head as he tried his best not to chuckle. 

“Oh, that’s sick, Ryan.” Ryan grinned, reaching to grasp Jack’s shoulder with one hand, the other making a sweeping motion before them as though showing Jack the view of the parking lot, a slightly manic grin on his face. 

“Just imagine it, Jack. Somewhere out there, we could have a whole line of murder weapons being bought as kitchen cutlery. Whole cases would be thrown out because no one could find the murder weapon. Think of the business. Think of the innocent people, cutting into their daily meal with the same knife that sliced through someone’s throat. Beautiful.” Jack tried to refrain from laughing but failed, leaning against Ryan as he burst into laughter at the other man’s vividly painted words. 

“Oh...oh god. Little Jimmy is cutting into his steak, unaware that the blade of his knife has been inserted into a man’s ass. Daddy, why does the steak taste sort of funny? I don’t know, Jimmy! Maybe the knife’s not clean. Let’s get you a new one.” Ryan started laughing too, neither paying much attention as Gavin slipped back into the car, casting them a look of confusion as their sudden, random hysteria. 

“We could start a whole line, Jack. Murder knives! Coming soon to a Walmart near you! Freshly cleaned of our victims blood and packaged for your enjoyment!” Gavin gave a squawk, pausing as he closed the door to the back seat before letting out a distressed noise. 

“Did I just return a bloody murder weapon? Ryan! Ryan families eat with those! That’s not nice Ryan!” Both Jack and Ryan burst into a fresh round of laughter at Gavin’s distress, the younger man crossing his arms over his chest as he looked between the two. “That is well disgusting. There are children who eat things from people who shop there. You’re awful.” Ryan’s laughter slowed to a sigh, the man wiping at his eyes before turning to give Gavin a winning smile as he reached to try and pat the younger man’s shoulder. Gavin shifted out of his reach, fixing him with a rather cross look as he watched him expectantly, and Ryan chuckled, leaning on the center console to watch Gavin. 

“Aw, I’m sorry, Gavin. How about I make it up to you when we get home?” Gavin’s frown fell slightly, and beside Ryan, Jack turned to look over his seat at Gavin as well. The hacker still looked rather unimpressed, and Jack gave him a soft smile, lip quirked some as he took in Gavin’s slowly softening features. 

“I’ll make it up to you too. And in making it up to you, I’ll make sure Michael, Ray and Geoff are all involved as well.” Gavin’s frown fell away completely, and he gave them a grin, settling back against the seat with his arms still crossed over his chest. 

“I suppose I can deal with that. Now what’s this you were talking about a murder knife line? I bet we could sell tons of those on the internet. There’s always a market for murder online!” The other two men laughed again, and Gavin chuckled as they pulled out of the parking lot, heading towards home once more.


End file.
